The Master's Secret Program
by Frank Toadfish
Summary: The Doctor accidently activates his worst nightmare. Set before the End of Time.


The smell of chlorine and the sensation of purple waves lapping gently against his shoes brought the Doctor away from his dream. Opening his eyes, he caught a glimpse of the circular room, with its soft orange lighting and the wobbly deckchair he'd built himself, that was lying on its side on the imitation sand. _Damn_, he thought,_ I've fallen asleep in the swimming pool again._

Studying his pinstripe suit, he was glad to see it was dry. The tide must have gone out whilst he was sleeping. Smiling to himself, the Doctor stood up and brushed most of the grains of sand off his outfit. The TARDIS may be old, he admitted, but most spaceships didn't have their own indoor bay-come-swimming pool to relax in after a hard day's work of saving the universe. Even if the sand was fake.

The Timelord walked over casually to the wall that was behind him, and took out his screwdriver from his jacket pocket. With a quick motion from the gadget, a door appeared. Stepping through it, the Doctor yawned contentedly, and made his way to the heart of the TARDIS.

* * *

So many buttons! So much time to spend! The Doctor grinned with excitement as he stood at the control panels of the little blue box's not so little engine room.

"No planets to save today, no distress calls, no Daleks!" he yelled cheerfully. He glanced at the rows of buttons, then to the levers that surrounded them. Oh, what the hell! He didn't want to think about it too much. The anticipation was practically eating away at his life energy.

The Timelord reached out slowly to a circular green button. Green meant good. He couldn't remember what its original purpose was. He pressed it firmly, and a bleeping sound started. Bleep _bloop_, bleep _bloop_, bleep _bloop_. The Doctor looked at the button. It seemed to scream at him – _Press me! Press me! _So he did.

But it wasn't enough. He pulled a lever nearby. It creaked in protest, put to use for the first time in years. Another button, another lever. Three jabs at another button. The flick of a switch. Another two switches. On, on, on.

"Here we go!" the Doctor shouted to himself above the noise. The TARDIS shook. "Whoooo!"

"Whoo indeed, my long lost nemesis," said a voice from above the Timelord. The engine noises faded and stopped. "Nemesis? I meant, friend. You look more tired than when I saw you last."

"Oh, no," the Doctor said, rage building inside him. "Not you. Not you, no. Please, no."

"But it is!" said the confident tones of the Master, and a second later, his image began to appear in front of the other Timelord's eyes, suspended in the air. He held his arms aloft in a God-like position. "Welcome to Hell!" The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, OK then," the Master sighed. He grinned devilishly. "Welcome to your worst nightmare!"

"I'm not going to let you take over the world again," the Doctor warned him. "I _will_ stop you." The Master laughed.

"Take over the world! Ha! Do I look like I can take over the world? I'm a hologram, you stupid man! You think I'm floating in the air for my health?" He looked at the Doctor. "I'm here to drive you insane!"

"What?" the Doctor asked, not impressed.

"You activated my hidden gift to you," the Master said gleefully. "When I took over your TARDIS, I added a few little things. I'm very clever, me."

"Didn't you have anything more important to do?" the Doctor said. "I'm sure almost destroying the space-time continuum and creating a temporal paradox was higher up on your priorities list?"

"Oh, it was, believe me," the Master replied. "But you've got to relax sometimes, haven't you?"

"What else did you add, besides your holographic program?" the Doctor frowned. "I want to know if my ship is going to explode spontaneously."

"Don't be so melodramatic," the Master said. "These were creative programs. Just my little bit of fun."

"Your version of fun is my version of pure evil," the Doctor remarked.

"You've really got a problem, haven't you?" the Master laughed, looking at him with mock sympathy. He smiled, and winked at him. "You love it, really."

"What else did you add?" the Doctor repeated. The Master sighed again, and gracefully did a somersault in mid air. Once he was facing the right way again, he crossed his legs and floated a couple of inches down, so he was level with the Doctor's face.

"If you must know," he said, in a pretend bored tone, "If you enter the sequence 627837 six hundred and twenty seven thousand, eight hundred and thirty seven times into the control panel, it will rain toffee bon bons in every single room on your ship."

"You really need to get out more," the Doctor replied.

"What?" the Master protested. "I like toffee bon bons!"

"What else?" the Doctor sighed.

"If you say 'The Master is amazing' to the broken android you keep in your storage room," the Master smirked, "He'll do the Macarena until his systems break down again!" He laughed manically and somersaulted again, rising higher into the air.

"Is that it?" the Doctor asked. "Because I don't believe a word you're saying." He pushed a button on the control panel, but the Master didn't notice. He was too busy twirling in mid air. When the Master realised that the Doctor had said something to him, he stopped moving, and closed his eyes.

"Ah. As you're going to be stuck with me for eternity, I might as well tell you my final piece of genius. Every time it's Christmas, a holographic Cyberman will appear and sing every Christmas song that's ever been on record. Five times over for each song. It will finish you." He laughed to himself.

"Hmm," the Doctor said. "It looks as if Christmas has come early. For you, anyway." The Master opened his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean," the Doctor smiled, "is that while you were jabbering away up there, I've found away to deactivate all of your programs." The Master looked outraged for a moment, and then resumed a normal expression.

"Oh, well," he sighed. "At least you'll still have me. My holographic matrix is practically indestructible."

"Practically," said the Doctor, and pushed another button. "Oh, one last thing..."

"What?" the Master said, puzzled.

"Merry Christmas."

"The Master screamed, but his image faded and vanished before he could say anything else. The Doctor smiled, and wiped his brow with his jacket sleeve. Peace was restored for another day.


End file.
